What the Sorting Hat Said
by Lunamionny
Summary: We all know what was said between the Sorting Hat and Harry, but what conversations were had between the Hat and the other characters we've come to love, hate or just feel apathetic about? (It all belongs to JKR).


**What the Sorting Hat Said**

"Abbott, Hannah!"

"Ahhh...there's a good work ethic here...but what stands out an extraordinary compassion towards others. And a capacity for significant courage...but that will only shine when your principles of fairness and justice are compromised...yes, you are very much led by these principles...which means that the best place for you would be...HUFFLEPUFF!"

xXx

"Brown, Lavender!"

"Ah. These thoughts are mostly shallow and superficial -"

"Charming!"

The Sorting Hat chuckles quietly. "So certainly not Ravenclaw. There's a desire to prove yourself…and there's a heartless streak, which wouldn't be out of place in Slytherin -"

"Heartless?! That's a bit harsh! Urgh, please not Slytherin. Emerald green really doesn't suit my skin tone. And aren't their dormitories in the basement? I don't want to sleep in a dungeon!"

"I'm sorry," the Hat says, in a way that makes him sound decidedly un-sorry. "It doesn't dominate, but there is some callousness there...although I can see now that it's fed by insecurity, not ambition or power, so Slytherin won't do after all. And, if we were to push the insecurity aside, there is a desire to do... _good_...although you have yet to decide what 'good' truly means for you...and a capacity to be loyal to the point of fearlessness...so I think that leaves...GRYFFINDOR!"

xXx

"Granger, Hermione!"

After the Sorting Hat is placed on Hermione's head, there is a lengthy silence.

"Humph," is all it's said after the first minute or so.

"Well? What is it?" Hermione snaps impatiently.

"There's a lot to sort through here..."

"Well, you are the _Sorting_ Hat aren't you?!"

The hat laughs. It's a low, rumbling noise that seems to vibrate disconcertingly around Hermione's head. "Your nervousness is making you somewhat rude Miss Granger."

Hermione's knows the Hat's right, and immediately feels guilty. "Sorry," she says sheepishly.

"You see, there's almost _too many_ strong attributes. Loyalty. Sophisticated empathic abilities. An incredibly bright mind - brighter than some of the _purest_ Ravenclaws I've sorted... there's courage too...and quite a bit of cunning...but you'd only use that cunning for actions consistent with your beliefs. Hmm...the intelligence does stand out but I don't know if you'd become the best you could be in Ravenclaw...I suppose that does depend on what _you_ think is the best you could be?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that it is not our abilities that define us, Miss Granger, but our choices. What we _choose_ to value. How we _choose_ to act."

"Well...I do love books and learning...so maybe Ravenclaw…"

"Okay -"

"BUT! But - books and cleverness - there are more important things. Friendship. And bravery," the girl states decisively.

"Humph. As I thought - GRYFFINDOR!"

xXx

"Longbottom, Neville!"

"Hmm...ah...I see...reliable and faithful to those you choose to ally yourself with, that's obvious. And you're a hard worker. You'd do well in Hufflepuff. But there's something else here too…maybe Gryffindor -"

"Gryffindor? I'm not brave enough for Gryffindor -"

"No, I see it clearly now," the Hat continues, ignoring Neville's objections. "The courage - it's buried so deep you cannot see it yourself, and it took me a bit of digging to find it...but it's definitely there and once it's unearthed it has the potential for great strength. Great strength and great power. There's a fire brewing in you Mr Longbottom...this will be interesting. It has to be Gryffindor -"

"I think you've got it wrong! I think I'm really much more of a Hufflepuff! -"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

xXx

"Lovegood, Luna!"

"Ah! What an interesting mind!" the Sorting Hat's usual measured voice is excited. "I've never come across one quite like it!"

"Thank you, Mr. Sorting Hat."

"Hmm. Polite too. Now - where to put you…there's a gentleness and thoughtfulness here. And a unique way of conceptualising danger and fear, which could lead to a quite a powerful capacity for bravery, so you could fit in Gryffindor. But these ideas! And the connections this mind makes are so unusual. A very wise mind...wise in a very unique way. I think it'll have to be...RAVENCLAW!"

xXx

"Malfoy, Draco!"

Before the Hat's rim has even made contact with his pale blonde hair, the boy starts speaking. "We both know where this is going to go, so let's not waste my time or yours, yeah?" he demands, voice firm and self-assured.

"Patience child, I need to have a look first...hmm...yes, there is an ideology here very consistent with what Salazer wanted in his members...but I wonder, are these beliefs really yours, young man? They seem to be more what your father -"

"Dude, did you hear what I said about not wasting my fucking time?"

"Hush - as much as you'd like to be, you're not in control here boy." The Sorting Hat is not fazed by the eleven year old boy's use of profanities - he has sorted thousands of students and there is very little that surprises him anymore. "You know, you would fit in Ravenclaw...your mind is sharp and there's a desire for knowledge. Slytherin and Ravenclaw - they will take you down two very different paths, my child -"

"Listen, you tatty little piece of shitty, useless cloth, if you don't sort me into Slytherin now -"

"Well, yes, bullying and intimidation - that does decide it - SLYTHERIN!"

It's not the first time that the eleven year old Draco learns that cruel words and a ruthless heart can get him what he wants. And the Sorting Hat is sadly aware of the pattern he's just help repeat - of what he's just reinforced.

"Sometimes, I do think they make me sort too soon," he mumbles wearily to himself, as he watches the Malfoy boy saunter to the Slytherin table. Because he had seen glimmers of what else the boy could possibly become - if he were to be given the chance, a chance which Slytherin house was very unlikely to offer him.

xXx

"Nott, Theodore!"

After the Sorting Hat is placed on Theo's head, there's a silence, as of the it's waiting patiently for something.

"Are you attempting occlumency on me, child?" the Hat asks, feeling rather indignant.

"No." _No way I can do that kind of magic, although it'd be pretty useful_ , Theo thinks, and the Hat, hearing this thought immediately, knows he's telling the truth.

"It's just...your thoughts...your mind is very... _closed_." There's no other way the Hat can describe it - he knows there's a lot in this mind, but the boy has somehow managed to shut most of it away. He's seen it before, and his centuries of experience has taught him that, sadly, a fractured mind like this one is usually the result of trauma. It leads the Hat to have an unusually sympathetic approach to this particular sorting.

Theo shrugs stiffly. "I'm not doing it on purpose..."

"Maybe try and relax? I'm not here to harm you...but to help if I can."

After a moment, the Hat senses Theo's mind open a little more and memories tumble out, quickly followed by regrets, hopes, wishes, beliefs...

"That better?" Theo asks.

"Yes...thank you!" and the Hat starts riffling through the child's mind.

"Not sure what the point of all this is though, to be fair sir," Theo says, and the Hat appreciates his attempt at politeness. "It has to be the Snakes."

"Why is that? There's ample attributes here which would justify a sort in to the Eagle's Nest. Maybe even the Lion's Den."

Theo snorts. "If you sort me in to Ravenclaw, my family will disown me. If you put me with the Lions, my family will kill me," he says matter-of-factly. Then, glancing over at the Slytherin table, he continues. "If my childhood 'friends' don't get there first."

"But - pure-blood ideology - the principles at the heart of Slytherin house - you don't believe any of it - I can see it now," the Hat objects.

"I've got good at pretending," the boy says bitterly, by way of explanation. "You don't want to be the cause of the _ostracization_ , or even death, of an eleven year old boy, do you?"

"It would really be that bad?"

"Yep."

"So you choose Slytherin?" the Hat asks regretfully.

There's a pause.

"Yes." Theo has to force the word out, and it tastes like bile in his mouth.

"Then good luck my child, I wish you the all the best." It's something the Sorting Hat rarely says, because he only bequeaths sentiments such as this when he really means it. "SLYTHERIN!"

xXx

"Patil, Padma!"

"Ah. A love of knowledge and learning. And an intelligent mind. This seems simple enough."

There is a pause as the Sorting Hat waits for Padma to respond.

"Well? I'm seeing doubt in your mind but I have no other sense of where else you would go. I'm curious: you will flourish in Ravenclaw house. Where else would you want to be?"

"I know...I think you're right but...but...my sister won't be sorted there will she?"

"Humph. I don't know yet. I haven't seen in her mind. But this is _your_ sorting and sometimes I am condemned to sort _and_ to split."

"Okay...if you must," Padma says grimly.

Then, in an uncharacteristically kind voice, the Hat says:

"There have been times when Hogwarts has needed unity _across_ houses more than divisions between them. I have no doubt those times will come again. The strength of the ties we maintain across houses is as important as the loyalties we create within them."

"Right...okay," Padma says, letting the Hat's words swim about her mind. They will come back to her in her fifth year, stark and poignant, during that first meeting of Dumbledore's Army in the Hog's Head, and then again in her seventh year, as the Carrows' reign makes the air of Hogwarts thick with fear and paranoia...

"RAVENCLAW!"

xXx

"Patil, Parvati!"

'"Ah! Flighty, playful, maybe a little naive...regarding your motivations, fun and pleasure win out over learning and wisdom, I see -"

"But it has to be Ravenclaw, right? That's where my sisters gone?"

"No, no, no. This mind would wilt in Ravenclaw. You are a _doer_ not a thinker...there's a love of life and a boundless energy and so it really has to be...GRYFFINDOR!"

Clapping and cheering erupt throughout the Great Hall but Parvati stays still in her seat, as if frozen. She is momentarily stunned at being parted from her twin because, unlike Padma, she'd never considered it as a possibility. She looks over at her sister who is clapping in a measured way along with the Ravenclaws that surround her, a plaintive smile on her lips, her eyes sad.

Eventually, Parvati is cajoled up from the stool by Professor McGonagall and she reluctantly goes to sit down at the Gryffindor table next to Lavender Brown.

xXx

"Weasley, Ginny!"

"Ah. Yes, daring and brave - you're almost Gryffindor through and through - although...you will be highly ambitious when it comes to the things - and people - you are passionate about...you might do well in Slytherin -"

"If you put me in Slytherin I'll make sure that excuse for a mouth of yours becomes much more than just a rip in your fabric!"

The Hat lets out one of his low chuckles.

"Oh, you are fierce! That settles that - GRYFFINDOR!"

xXx

"Weasley, Ronald!"

"Ah, an easy one for once. There's nowhere else to put you. GRYFFINDOR!"


End file.
